It is in those times when the flow of life seems to be beyond my control, when I don't know which way is up, when I can't see beyond the next half hour, that I get to have experiences of deep humility and empowerment. In these last few days before my departure for Argentina, I arrived at that place that I was imagining for months. I had achieved that which needed to be achieved in order to be able to do this. Find a home for my dogs, check. Sell my car, check. Consolidate my possessions, check. Now as I look ahead I cannot quite visualize what is coming and the uncertainties seem to multiply.
The level of anxiety and mental discomfort in this situation can be alarming and it is very tempting to give into the panic and fear associated with facing the unknown. This place is somewhat familiar as just a year ago I was leaving Dallas and moving to Portland. In all of the stress and anxiety that is part of this transitional process, the flow of life tends to assert itself, pushing me to once again acknowledge where true feeling of support, safety, and empowerment comes from. Yes, the tools for cultivating inner strength like meditation, body awareness practices, and positive thinking help. However, those are not the things that ultimately carry me to the other side of the unknown. It is my connections with other people that impact me the most.
In my final hours before I leap off a cliff, it has been my friendships that have been carrying me mentally, emotionally, and physically. Frequently, as I have been short on sleep and time I felt reluctant to share my energy with another person. But because I had committed (and I feel terrible about canceling) I followed through. And every single time I felt so grateful as the process of connecting with that person would bring exactly what I needed at that moment in the form of the right word, the right touch, the right action. Assistance from other people sprang up in moments when I didn't even know I needed it and the main message that was constantly reinforced was "you don't have to do it all yourself, I am here for you." So it is with deep gratitude to my friends that I look ahead towards the unknown, feeling both humility as I see my limitations and empowerment as I trust that I am surrounded by people who believe in me.