Resolution #2017: Eat Your Cake And Have It Too

The other day a friend of mine shared her new year's resolution with me and then of course, she asked me what mine was. I couldn't answer. Not because I didn't have one but because I didn't know the words for it. I felt it, I saw examples of it, I could recognize it, but I couldn't really articulate it. 

2016 was a big year for me, pieces of my life began to fall into place, all of the sacrifices, all of the pilgrimages were revealing their lessons. I finally came to feel, as clearly as I feel the movement of my arm, as clearly as I feel someone's embrace around me... 

that

I do,

in fact,

create

my experience.

I learned that I can connect with my body to such an extent as to consciously, fully, heal from injury. I learned that it is possible to experience and consciously, fully, heal from painful emotions and past traumas. I began to experience the flow of my thoughts as something that didn’t just happen automatically, the bursting of emotions not as an accident, but that...

I had the ability to curate the contents of my mind and heart in each moment.

I found the quiet, powerful, beautiful inner core from which I could mold, craft, arrange, and play my life according to the purest, deepest desires.

I understood that desire drives everything and that the more I give into, learn from, experience, explore desire in all of its shapes and sizes the more empowered, effective, and happy, I am as a human being.

In 2016 I transformed the sorrow of loneliness into a deep love of solitude. I began to follow the natural flow of life instead of anxiously working towards an urgent future. I decided to give up and let go of control and let my desires inform my experience. 

So the resolution for which I am having a hard time finding words, has something to do with this...

To choose to enjoy everything a little too much.

In fact, to find out if there is such a thing as enjoying something too much. Can I find even more enjoyment in the beautiful company of my friends? In the quiet walk to my favorite coffee shop? In the smell of cologne? 

What if I smile a little too broadly when I like someone?

What if I lift my arms up a little higher when I dance because it just feels so damn good to move to music?

What if I laugh a little bit louder?

Make even more inappropriate facial expressions when I eat a fat piece of cheesecake? What if I compliment someone too much, just because it feels so good to see someone's face light up?

What if I have deep, intentional appreciation for a really bad sandwich, bad traffic, bad weather, bad politics, bad prices, bad coffee, bad sex...

What if I enjoy being myself too much?

Think too highly of myself, my appearance, my abilities, my performance? What if I fall even in more love with myself... even deeper, even more flamboyantly, more obvious, louder, crazier, the most intense over the top kind of love that we all fantasize about…

for myself!

 I really see no downside to this...